Long..long ago

Looks like it's been ages since I've come here. Life generally has been "busy".
I wanted to do a typical year end blog post, but then when I sat down to think about it everything was a blur....

Jan, Feb, March - totally lost, don't even know how I coped up after Dhruv was born. Things that I can remember VERY vividly -

The day we brought him home from the hospital. Seeing this very small kid right next to Dhriti, I was literally in tears. When will this guy grow-up, how will I ever live through the next 3 years and see him become his "own-self"

The panic and the "hyper-tension" when Dhruv was diagnosed with Jaundice. Yeah, I know it's very common and all that. But seeing a 3 day old baby in that state was just not something I could take.


April, May, June - whatever happened to these months?

July, Aug, Sep, Oct, Nov, Dec - yes I could have simply said - rest of the year, but the "effect" is lost right? :) So, rest of the year was like "what home"? I was literally working round the clock.
Oh by the way, this year marks the beginning of being connected always. I now have a blackberry and it is addictive!

To sum it up, the year's gone by in a blur, I can't even claim that I've done decently well. Probably saying I scraped through and somehow managed would be appropriate

No, I don't have any new year resolutions but then I want the next year to be a little peaceful, I want atleast a few days off (or few evenings off), I want to see the kids grow up, I want to move to a own house (which means I need lots of money, which again means I need to save :)) )
And most importantly, I want the kids and the family and everybody generally to be healthy.

Looking forward to a rocking 2010!!

Mustafa....Mustafa...

....been to Jai Ho concert....unique one-of-its-kind experience.
Truly a genius...Rahman
and then there's that digital screen that someone designed...don't know who but mind-blowing work!
Having said that the arrangements done by GMR for the concert itself were pathetic...eekss...
but then what we took away from the show was a fantabulous...super experience.

The songs...most of the songs from Rahman movies that he himself sung featured predominently...all most all songs from Jodha Akbar...
and then ofcourse all his famous numbers...

There's something magical with music...I mean...years...ages after we passed out from B.Tech...I can still instantly connect...and go back as if it was just yesterday whenever I hear that Mustafa song...that one song was were ragging anthem...can't forget those days when we helped the non-telugu gang to learn the lyrics and sing (all of us together) EVERY night as an anthem....
And then now years later I heard that song from Rahman himself...and I missed them all...ALL OF THEM...I want my friends back...:(

The concert itself closed with Jai Ho and Vande Mataram...the entire public stood up...joined the song...shouted...and actually felt that pride when they said Jai Ho and Vandemataram...

That was ONE concert...

List...

Yeah...I couldn't think of a better way of doing this - Updates..!

1. Went to Shirdi last week, can't recollect much except the 2 (TWO WHOLE DAYS) spent travelling. There has to be a better way, better roads, faster travel, better weather...

2. Kids are doing fine. Both of them were sick but recovered now. Dhriti still has problem with her tongue...don't even know what the "name" is, but something akin to mouth ulcers...(just that it is 10...no 100 times worse than that)

3. Dhruv has become very very naughty. He CANNOT stay calm, stable for more than a minute. Good news is he is sleeping patterns are slightly better

4. Plan was to go to Tirupathi also this month (for Dhruv's gundu), but postponed it to Dec. Too many travels in a month, leave, finances, Diwali and many more reasons to it. So, bottom-line: He'll probably have a "gundu" for his birthday.
Oh my god, it's already almost one year!!!!Yipeeee...

5. Oh, somewhere down the line last month I realised a very simple reason for belief in GOD. Can't recollect what it is now, but it made a loooot of sense. And I've also realised that I am not a very "religious" person inspite of the family that I was born into. And the best part is there are many people now who are into rituals, why...why the sudden interest?

6. And swine flu. I am scared, very scared. But it is passing. I mean the scare. And I think it's a media thing also. For a few weeks everyday it was the headline. In between we had YSR tragedy and then now recently the floods and swine flu has taken a back seat. By the way, the floods are TERRIBLE.

7. Shiva is still travelling. In and out of Hyderabad. Right now in Dubai. Do I want to go also? Yes, ofcourse!!!

8. Aps has another baby girl, Ruchika....congrats Aps...for the baby, for the no-drugs delivery and ALL THE BEST. You need it :)

To end this all...

Tragic

One word to describe YSR's death...it's a pity his life ended the way it did..
And what a media circus it has turned out to be.

The price a man, more so his family has to pay for being a public figure. They couldn't even get to perform last rites.

What is the world getting to..a leader dies and his so-called "fans" commit suicide...?some people die of heart-attacks??I guess media also has to be blamed for the latter...24X7 coverage...is there anything else left???

Yes yes

the blog is still here to stay. What if I did not write a post since long, not even the monthly one??

I'll do it..

So, what (else) is happening?
Shiva is back to "roaming" and that means we are back to that "how will I stay here without you" mode. Emotionally it might seem very daunting and all but practically its not that bad. With this busy life time seems to be flying.

On an entirely different note, can't believe that Dhruv is already in his 8th month, it is as if he was born just yesterday!

Yeah, the kids are fine. Dhriti is going to school, was (and is) slightly unwell but getting back to normal. (Will have to write a separate post on this)
Oh, BTW I bought a new bike!!! And ever since I bought it, it has been raining.
Why did I not learn driving a car instead, donno. But yes, I would surely love to do that...drive a car...should get around to doing that. While we are on this topic...there are quite a few things that I would love doing. Why not list them down?

1. Learn and drive a car.
2. Yoga regularly
3. Come home early from the office, in time to get Dhriti to finish her homework, feed both the kids and get them ready for the bed (What? Yes I can't do all this most of the days..!!)
4. Stay in a own house not a rented one (and still stay close to the office!)
5. Quit job (maybe a little too much)
6. Get an MBA (and from not less than ISB or IIM)
7. Get-together with all the college friends (that coffee shop visit with Kiran is just not enough, we need to do this quite often, why can't everyone settle down in Hyd guys, please-pretty please)
8. Vacation with Shiva and the kids (and kids SHOULD behave well, no tantrums please)

oh and a lots of other things. I think I need to get going, there is work to do and an office to go to, kids to attend.

Chaloo them ciao. Will be back with a bang.

MIND IT! (Apparently quickgun murugan movie is quite riot!)

The family - Extra Busy

Yes, everyone's been terribly busy.
Both of us with work and Shiva with that extra travel too...
Dhriti with her school..homework etc etc
And Dhruv...yup he's busy too...eating/trying new stuff, crawling, crying
In general, it's been ONE BUSY FAMILY :)

What did we do last month...hmmm...that's the problem with not writing posts on time...but yeah here we go..
Shiva went on yet another trip to Dubai...
I was initially worried that Dhruv was not crawling at the same time (about 5-6 months) as Dhriti did...and probably a week after that he started crawling. And its actually very nice to see him do that!!

We went to see Dhriti's cousins dance performance and I sooooo very much wanted to get Dhriti to pick up an art/hobby. Its just that we don't really have the time to go drop and pick her up from any other extra circular activities.
Maybe I should at least see what their school offers and get her started. I really need more time...seriously!

Oh and I just realised I haven't really said much about what I have been doing...!
Yeah I've been doing work and more work. I've been spending lesser and lesser time at home..
And I've more or less stopped feeding Dhruv, it's over. And I think I am disappointed that I couldn't carry on with it till he was 1 (that was what I was hoping to do) but then I am again amazed that I could pull it off for so long.
It was definitely good while it lasted...much better, convenient and nice than the first time around.

So long then...

Caught up and out of touch

At times you get so caught up with what is happening in your life that you tend to become soooo out of touch with the rest of the world...

The excuse that I have is the working hours and two kids at home. But, is that fair??
No, like so many other things in life...I am not too sure.
I haven't spoken to my friends for quite some time now...there is no where to go on weekends...there aren't any regular calls that I make to my friends, mom, dad, bro, in-laws...nobody.
Yet, none of them complain...!

Friends...just lost too many of the way...just too many. Now when I look back at those college days they all look so surreal!!
Yet, the last time when I went to the US, when I met Putchu, Aps...nothing seemed to have changed...we were more or less starting from where we left off all those years ago...
That for me is friendship.

Should surely catch-up...should invest time in getting to be a part of their lifes...
will the blog help, will twitter help...will calling regularly help not sure...but I know I want to do it.

The family - Vibrant

I've been late with this post...quite late actually. But, yeah my blog so who cares!

Dhruv has been generally very good and vibrant all of last month. So, now finally he is "amongst the people". We can't just leave him, he HAS to be counted. He laughs, he squeals, he cries (at the top of his voice) so in general there is a lot of activity. A new camera has been purchased...(ahem...) and so some nice photos have been taken. [Again I am not saying who bought it or who took the photos]

Dhriti for her part has been enjoying what is left of her holidays...too bad that we couldn't send her anywhere during summer...thought of getting her to join music/dance or swimming. But the heat+baby+office+lack of seriousness from my side played havoc and hence nothing was achieved.
Have to see if she can join some thing once the school begins...(which btw is 10th June...so close :((( )

My parents were here...we went and dropped them off at Vja...nannagaru is okay...but I guess travelling is more or less ruled out...to much of a strain..

Shiva was out-of-station and so in that sense this month sucked big time...
It is great having him back at home,at office and basically having him around in general..

Somehow can't seem to think of anything to write...so maybe a few snaps would help...

Quick dash

Some quick updates...

1. Shiva is in Dubai + Saudi...its almost been 3 weeks..and I am going nuts here. Things are relatively calm now..but one tough trip
2. I "celebrated" my birthday, my 30th and no fun at all :(
3. I will celebrate my birthday AGAIN once Shiva is back...with a new dress, dinner and all...no compromise there
4. Elections 2009 is over and I am disappointed. No, it was not that I wanted some other party to win and congress to lose. But still, post elections there is no change in government neither in center nor in state. Depressing man!!
5. I hate hospitals
6. I "should" learn car driving. Come-on, enough is enough

AND finally

I now have a friend who is an IAS officer!!!Yeayyyyy!!!!

Rant...Rant...Rant

There are some things that I can't handle and cooking is right there on the top

It's not just cooking alone...it's eating in general. I mean I can't see myself giving eating a priority over say...sleeping, working, watching movies, anything.
And it's terribly unfortunate that I got married to a family that thinks cooking and ensuring that everybody at home is fed is THE topmost priority. (Gosh, I've read that line and yeah it soooo feels like this IS the top priority right, what else can be?) No, I am not against that. What I mean is...say you have a flight to catch at 9.30 PM, having dinner at 6 PM doesn't fit in the scheme of things for me(doesn't matter that you haven't had your lunch, no that doesn't count!)

okay...I'll relive the scene:
Me and Shiva go home at 5.30, he has a flight to catch at 9.30
His akka's home and is busy cooking by the time we go home
Me:!!!what you've started cooking already?!!!
His mom - Shiva has to eat right?!!!
Me (to Shiva) - What, you'll have dinner and go??????!!!!!!!!!
His Mom - Then? What else will he eat???!!!!!!!

See, the exclamations and question marks summarize the disparity of though process that both of us have.

I know it is not like that, but the kind of inference that I (nobody else) draw from this episode is:
1. I am least bothered about Shiva having dinner before he leaves
2. Not caring at all, at least not as caring as his mom and sis and the rest of them are

And to top this, I didn't accompany Shiva to the airport. How can someone think of doing that????!!!!

No one's really said anything. These are all MY inferences. And what do I get out of all this...?
I am left hungry coz nobody bothered to ask me to eat, I felt too stupid to ask and eat.
I didn't go to the airport, but didn't work either and am busy typing this stupid rant..
and I am left feeling even more depressed than what I was about an hour back

The Family - Getting into the groove

and suddenly one fine day he started sleeping in the night, all through the night, just like that...and then everything felt so normal and relaxed.

I am back at work, Dhruv is a looooot better and older. Now, all of us sleep at night, Dhriti has her vacation and so we sleep a little more...normally wake up only at 8 AM :)) So, it's bliss overall

Since I am back at work, there is not much time left to think and brood. I kind of like this chaos and everything now seems fine!
Dhruv's reached his first milestone-he can now turn around and sleep on his stomach!!
We thought boys are a little late and maybe he'll take yet another month to "tumble". But looks like this guy is in a hurry!
He still can't hold his head properly though and has a trouble pulling his hand once he tumbles, so there's a lot of crying.
Shiva's mom is here and so are Dhriti's cousins and the house is even more (maybe 10 times more) chaotic.
At times, when I can't stay back longer at office or I can't reach office earlier I get irritated (which is most of the times)
But then, like everything else I am hoping this will pass off also and I'll be able to find the right balance.

Oh...Shiva might have to travel this month for sure...and that's when the real fun will begin. I'd love to have my mom and dad here at Hyd. Not that I have an issue with my mom-in-law and sis-in-law staying over buuuuuut...mom is any day much more helpful. I'll be less guilty about staying late at office, waking up late, and 100 such things...

And yeah, I'll turn 30 next month!!!!!
Looking at how things have been happening all around I'd say I'm truly happy about the state of life in general.(touch-wood) So, what did I achieve?

Adorable kids and a happy family

When the going gets tough...

the tough get going...but then this is beyond that...absolutely beyond that....I hope and wish that the families are strong...I would do anything to ease their pain...just anything...

A family lost their 26 year old son in a couple of hours to something as serious as Leukamia....and with absolutely no warning...
A family lost their 1.5 year old kid to...don't know what...maybe seizures...
A husband lost his wife of 1 year to...again not sure what it was

This is all I've been hearing entire last week...I don't think stating this unfair is just enough...do we have anything else in the vocabulary to describe this...???

This is sooo so unfair..

I just don't know how to react...will I ever be able to get over this? Will we be able to live without any thought of what might happen later...tomorrow...the next hour...the next minute...
the kids are still young...and it's still a long long way to go...will this fear ever ever go away...and will I be able to stay my usual stable...rock-solid self??

Should I ask the god for help...? the same one who has taken away a child's life and created a void in their parents life...the same god..??Really?

The Family - Night Watchman

Mom - Sleep deprived and nothing much to do
Dad - Sleep deprived AND busy
Akka - Rushing to school
Tammudu - Yes, the title is for him - THE nightwatchman

Yes, that's last month for you. This guy doesn't sleep earlier than 3 AM and that's when you are lucky, normally it is at about 6 AM in the morning by the time he is fully, properly asleep. But then when he is awake all night long and in the early hours, he smiles a lot and laughs at times (yes with sound!!) and then plays. But the moment he gets irritated you HAVE to carry him and walk, doesn't help if we hold him, we just need to get going...
So, the result, absolute lack of sleep, frayed nerves, biting anybody who wants to talk sense :) It helped a looooot that Shiva didn't have to travel this month and then we had his akka and kids over at our place for about 1-2 weeks. Now, April's suddenly looking very difficult. I know, I know, I said the same thing with March, but then we had help this month, god knows what's going to happen now.

Dhriti was back to school after a month and lots of backlog, yes BACKLOG for a pre-primary kid!!! Too many alphabets to learn.
We've somehow scraped through. She finished her PP1, first year in school and it is over already. Got very emotional in the ceremony they had at her school to celebrate the occasion. She danced for the "Bum Bum Bhole" number and felt SOOOOOO content and happy to see her up there.

Maybe things will settle down, and maybe the baby will get things right and sleep at night, maybe everything will be okay in the coming month.
What's life without a little bit (yeah okay lots of!!) hope???!!

Quotable Quotes

Some interesting dialogues while playing in the evening

Dhriti: Ammulu (her cousin), you found the pencil---Great Job!!

Dhriti:Mummy, where is the eraser?
Me: Here, nanna
Dhriti: I have to use this eraser so many times, what nonsense!!

And now I can't take my words back, can I?

No Shiva didn't go to KL yet though I have nightmares that the day might come soon and yeah it's his birthday today...Happy Birthday!!
And just so that it gets "recorded for eternity" here, he is THE BEST PERSON I've ever met. And yes, I mean it. How else do you define a person who stays up all night long carrying the baby, goes to the office in the mornings (yes, still busy) and still is sane. I also stay up all night long, but cant say the same about being sane part :)

The Family - The Month of Confusion

Mom - Too confused...Too tired...Too Touchy
Dad - Super-busy
Akka - Too many holidays spoil kids
Tammudu - Drink, Sleep and yes ONLY CARRY ME...no sleeping on beds!

That kind of sums up how we have been doing the last month...Now getting some background on THE FAMILY might help :)
Okay...we have a latest entrant in the family and its a boy!! And that kind of makes ours a complete family :)
So I guess its time to merge my previous blogs and have one for the family...and then decided to post monthly newsletters (atleast till the baby is a year old) so that I have one post per month..
Now that we are done with the intro...moving on to the subject..

Its been exactly a month since the baby arrived...and he's been in general good..
The delivery itself was over in a jiffy...never mind the fact that I had to wait for it for almost a month...!!
I went for my regular check-up in the morning only to come back at 4PM in the evening for getting admitted and before I could bear it any longer...the delivery was over at 8.30 (8.26PM) to be precise.

We came back home all good and happy....but then had to return back coz the baby had jaundice...that was really painful (I mean not the returning part...seeing the baby get the IV and the phototherapy). That day I learnt my first lesson..."No matter if this is a second child...you never know anything and you are never ready"

And then we came back yet again and my depression started setting in...The only thing I remember from my first post-pregnancy days very vividly is not about Dhriti...but about my depression...and it was back with a venegance this time around...I just couldnt stop crying at the drop of a hat...
and to add to all this...I wanted to exclusively breast feed the baby something I was not able to accomplish to my satisfaction the first time...
And this is something that I cant come to terms with...the fact that not being able to breast feed doesnt mean you are not good enough mom...or whatever...
I am still trying....

Came to the home town with parents...more relaxed...more at peace...but adding to the depression was the fact that Shiva had to go to KL...
Dhriti hasnt been going to school for so long...god knows what's going to happen once we start sending her to school from next week onwards...She's become very attached to her ammamma...

Now that a month is over...things seems to have settled down...I came to realise that we'll have to take one day at a time...
and with Shiva having to go back to KL again...and me leaving to Hyd..and Dhriti going back to school...March is one month to look forward to...:)

Life now is in snatches...between baby feeds and bigger baby's tantrums...
Worried about the bigger one...scared that she might be neglected...
Worried about the smaller one...is he getting enough milk...is he putting on weight...is he fine...? Coz again...if there are 100 things that can go wrong with a baby...your first child shows you 50 of them and when you think you are prepared and all set your second child comes in and shows you the OTHER 50...
Babies are like that...!!!


So...the chaos continues.....