The Family - Getting into the groove

and suddenly one fine day he started sleeping in the night, all through the night, just like that...and then everything felt so normal and relaxed.

I am back at work, Dhruv is a looooot better and older. Now, all of us sleep at night, Dhriti has her vacation and so we sleep a little more...normally wake up only at 8 AM :)) So, it's bliss overall

Since I am back at work, there is not much time left to think and brood. I kind of like this chaos and everything now seems fine!
Dhruv's reached his first milestone-he can now turn around and sleep on his stomach!!
We thought boys are a little late and maybe he'll take yet another month to "tumble". But looks like this guy is in a hurry!
He still can't hold his head properly though and has a trouble pulling his hand once he tumbles, so there's a lot of crying.
Shiva's mom is here and so are Dhriti's cousins and the house is even more (maybe 10 times more) chaotic.
At times, when I can't stay back longer at office or I can't reach office earlier I get irritated (which is most of the times)
But then, like everything else I am hoping this will pass off also and I'll be able to find the right balance.

Oh...Shiva might have to travel this month for sure...and that's when the real fun will begin. I'd love to have my mom and dad here at Hyd. Not that I have an issue with my mom-in-law and sis-in-law staying over buuuuuut...mom is any day much more helpful. I'll be less guilty about staying late at office, waking up late, and 100 such things...

And yeah, I'll turn 30 next month!!!!!
Looking at how things have been happening all around I'd say I'm truly happy about the state of life in general.(touch-wood) So, what did I achieve?

Adorable kids and a happy family

When the going gets tough...

the tough get going...but then this is beyond that...absolutely beyond that....I hope and wish that the families are strong...I would do anything to ease their pain...just anything...

A family lost their 26 year old son in a couple of hours to something as serious as Leukamia....and with absolutely no warning...
A family lost their 1.5 year old kid to...don't know what...maybe seizures...
A husband lost his wife of 1 year to...again not sure what it was

This is all I've been hearing entire last week...I don't think stating this unfair is just enough...do we have anything else in the vocabulary to describe this...???

This is sooo so unfair..

I just don't know how to react...will I ever be able to get over this? Will we be able to live without any thought of what might happen later...tomorrow...the next hour...the next minute...
the kids are still young...and it's still a long long way to go...will this fear ever ever go away...and will I be able to stay my usual stable...rock-solid self??

Should I ask the god for help...? the same one who has taken away a child's life and created a void in their parents life...the same god..??Really?

The Family - Night Watchman

Mom - Sleep deprived and nothing much to do
Dad - Sleep deprived AND busy
Akka - Rushing to school
Tammudu - Yes, the title is for him - THE nightwatchman

Yes, that's last month for you. This guy doesn't sleep earlier than 3 AM and that's when you are lucky, normally it is at about 6 AM in the morning by the time he is fully, properly asleep. But then when he is awake all night long and in the early hours, he smiles a lot and laughs at times (yes with sound!!) and then plays. But the moment he gets irritated you HAVE to carry him and walk, doesn't help if we hold him, we just need to get going...
So, the result, absolute lack of sleep, frayed nerves, biting anybody who wants to talk sense :) It helped a looooot that Shiva didn't have to travel this month and then we had his akka and kids over at our place for about 1-2 weeks. Now, April's suddenly looking very difficult. I know, I know, I said the same thing with March, but then we had help this month, god knows what's going to happen now.

Dhriti was back to school after a month and lots of backlog, yes BACKLOG for a pre-primary kid!!! Too many alphabets to learn.
We've somehow scraped through. She finished her PP1, first year in school and it is over already. Got very emotional in the ceremony they had at her school to celebrate the occasion. She danced for the "Bum Bum Bhole" number and felt SOOOOOO content and happy to see her up there.

Maybe things will settle down, and maybe the baby will get things right and sleep at night, maybe everything will be okay in the coming month.
What's life without a little bit (yeah okay lots of!!) hope???!!

Quotable Quotes

Some interesting dialogues while playing in the evening

Dhriti: Ammulu (her cousin), you found the pencil---Great Job!!

Dhriti:Mummy, where is the eraser?
Me: Here, nanna
Dhriti: I have to use this eraser so many times, what nonsense!!

And now I can't take my words back, can I?

No Shiva didn't go to KL yet though I have nightmares that the day might come soon and yeah it's his birthday today...Happy Birthday!!
And just so that it gets "recorded for eternity" here, he is THE BEST PERSON I've ever met. And yes, I mean it. How else do you define a person who stays up all night long carrying the baby, goes to the office in the mornings (yes, still busy) and still is sane. I also stay up all night long, but cant say the same about being sane part :)

The Family - The Month of Confusion

Mom - Too confused...Too tired...Too Touchy
Dad - Super-busy
Akka - Too many holidays spoil kids
Tammudu - Drink, Sleep and yes ONLY CARRY ME...no sleeping on beds!

That kind of sums up how we have been doing the last month...Now getting some background on THE FAMILY might help :)
Okay...we have a latest entrant in the family and its a boy!! And that kind of makes ours a complete family :)
So I guess its time to merge my previous blogs and have one for the family...and then decided to post monthly newsletters (atleast till the baby is a year old) so that I have one post per month..
Now that we are done with the intro...moving on to the subject..

Its been exactly a month since the baby arrived...and he's been in general good..
The delivery itself was over in a jiffy...never mind the fact that I had to wait for it for almost a month...!!
I went for my regular check-up in the morning only to come back at 4PM in the evening for getting admitted and before I could bear it any longer...the delivery was over at 8.30 (8.26PM) to be precise.

We came back home all good and happy....but then had to return back coz the baby had jaundice...that was really painful (I mean not the returning part...seeing the baby get the IV and the phototherapy). That day I learnt my first lesson..."No matter if this is a second child...you never know anything and you are never ready"

And then we came back yet again and my depression started setting in...The only thing I remember from my first post-pregnancy days very vividly is not about Dhriti...but about my depression...and it was back with a venegance this time around...I just couldnt stop crying at the drop of a hat...
and to add to all this...I wanted to exclusively breast feed the baby something I was not able to accomplish to my satisfaction the first time...
And this is something that I cant come to terms with...the fact that not being able to breast feed doesnt mean you are not good enough mom...or whatever...
I am still trying....

Came to the home town with parents...more relaxed...more at peace...but adding to the depression was the fact that Shiva had to go to KL...
Dhriti hasnt been going to school for so long...god knows what's going to happen once we start sending her to school from next week onwards...She's become very attached to her ammamma...

Now that a month is over...things seems to have settled down...I came to realise that we'll have to take one day at a time...
and with Shiva having to go back to KL again...and me leaving to Hyd..and Dhriti going back to school...March is one month to look forward to...:)

Life now is in snatches...between baby feeds and bigger baby's tantrums...
Worried about the bigger one...scared that she might be neglected...
Worried about the smaller one...is he getting enough milk...is he putting on weight...is he fine...? Coz again...if there are 100 things that can go wrong with a baby...your first child shows you 50 of them and when you think you are prepared and all set your second child comes in and shows you the OTHER 50...
Babies are like that...!!!


So...the chaos continues.....

Nothing...

Nothing is clear
Nothing is interesting
Nothing is happening
Nothing is impressive
Nothing is worth doing
Nothing is there to look forward to
Nothing...absolutely nothing

YES, I AM DEPRESSED!!
And the reason I am very worried (actually extremely worried) is there is nothing to be depressed about..Everything's just fine...it's just that I am depressed and nothing is fine anymore :(